George Hamilton Makes Deal With Devil, Stops Aging
(Hollywood) - For the past 40 years, actor George Hamilton has remained youthful looking and fit. He doesn't seem to age. Strangely, a 40-year-old self-portrait of George Hamilton, hanging on a wall of his Beverly Hills home, has been found to ha...
Read full storyRepublican candidate Gilmore quits after WB TV network cancels its show, "The Gilmore Girls"
Washington, D.C. - Calling it yet another example of the extent of the control of the media by liberals, former Virginia Gov. and Republican Jim Gilmore announced he is no longer seeking the nomination of his party for the 2008 Presidential candidacy...
Read full storySTUDY SHOWS PEOPLE HATE STORIES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS
A FIVE YEAR, $11.2 MILLION DOLLAR US GOVERNMENT STUDY HAS PROVEN THAT MOST READERS DO NOT LIKE STORIES WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS, ACCORDING TO THE STUDIES PRINCIPAL AUTHOR JAMES HASSENHOFF.
Read full storyThe Calculus Conspiracy
It's commonly believed in the academic world that Sir Isaac Newton was responsible for developing the mathematics of calculus. This is a lie that has been covered up for nearly half a millennium. I'm here to speak the truth and to expose the Great Newtonian Lie for what it really is: a conspiracy to deny the rightful owners of calculus their due respect.
Read full storyNew Photography Laws hit the US
(MUSICMAN PRESS) There's a new bill on the table for Mayor Michael Bloomberg. The new bill dubbed, "The Crappy Pic Bill," is designed to prevent the production any more non-professional photograph of the Statue of Liberty.
Read full storyMadge gets Booty from Snooty Chow trough
WASHINGTON (D.C.) -- Swank Capitol eatery Citronella recently refused Madonna entry because she was wearing jeans. When told she was improperly dressed in jeans, said pop star snapped at the maitre d' "that her jeans were more expensive than...
Read full storyLondon barman saw Litvinenko assassin snort coke with Lord Levy
London - (Rioters): A barman at the Whorely Arms Hotel in North London - where celeb patrons include Kate Moss, Prince William and Shaggy Dave the Royal Crack dealer - has said he saw Alexander Litvinenko's assassin "put some strange glowing...
Read full storyKate Middleton 'getting £1,000 per week from Charles'
Clarence House, London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The on-off saga of Prince William's heterosexual lovelife took another twist this weekend with reports that Kate Middleton is getting over £1,000 per week from Clarence House baksheesh accounts in...
Read full storyBid Laden support for Gay Marriage
A new video of the al-Quaeda chief was posted on the internet today in which he called for praise and understanding of "our brethren who share the same bed". Though bin Laden has been rumored for sometime to be extremely close to a number o...
Read full storyMajor League Baseball Announces Winners of 2007 Wobbling Doughnut Awards
NEW YORK, July 15 - Commissioner of Major League Baseball Bud Selig today revealed the winners of the 2007 Wobbling Doughnut Awards, celebrating the fourteenth year of their existence.
Read full storyBetelnutters paradise
Bangladeshis have always been a colony of betelnut addicts. 'My' extensive and 'paranormal' research studies show that betelnut sessions help the secretion of our brains opiates, drugging us often to the point of excitement or euphoria.
Read full storyMy favourite Man City jokes
It's official! Lord Stevens has been begged to Her Majesty's police force - to look into the rumours regarding Sven and Manchester City's deliberate shoot to miss policy!!...
Read full storyJournalist Exposes Murdock
BEVERLY HILLS (Wilshire) *EXCLUSIVE* -- I've had to come out, to expose this news to you. I'm a Beverly Hills cop. That's right, I drive a squad car. No, I didn't pick up Paris Hilton, I was out at Big Muddy Donuts. Pity I can't pick up Megan Fox, with the future trouble she's going to cause me.
Read full storySheriff Opens an Internal Probe into Paris Hilton
HOLLYWOOD (Glendale) -- No, it's not the aliens, but the Sheriff's Department itself that has launched an Internal Probe into Paris Hilton. Will it hurt? Who knows. The aliens usually return you unharmed, if with a little loss of dignity. I know that's what they did to me.
Read full storyAl Gore - Warm This!
The world's leading scientists admitted today that the single biggest contributor of greenhouse gases is not man. It's cows.
Read full storyCowell to make new show
Today it was announced that Simon Cowell's production company will make a new show entitled "Idol Bastard Idol", where wannabe contestants fight it out to be crowned worlds most idol bastard.
Read full storyDepartment of Homeland Insecurity Sends Out Bum Squad
New York, New York (IP) - The Department of Homeland Insecurity issued a red alert at New York's largest airport today and issued an order for their highly trained bum squad to round up all of the unusual suspects. Men of Middle Eastern appearan...
Read full storyMMR jab quack doctor 'was Bush's pawn'
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The General Medical Council's disciplinary hearing this week will hear how quack doctor Andrew Wakefield falsified spurious immunology statistics after being promised a substantial seven figure sum by the same Pent...
Read full storyJoaquin is set to Join Gunners
It is almost certain that top shot Spanish international is set for London after having talks with arsenal boss Wenger this afternoon.
Read full storyInternet downloads "are slower when you watch them" - scientists
An international panel of scientists have reported that Internet download speeds are slower when you watch the files being downloaded. The conclusion comes after an 18 month report costing over $5 million.
Read full storyQueen Forces Closure of Tesco Stores After Gaffe
The Queen has today stormed out of a Tesco store following an attrocious gaffe by the leading supermarket chain over her usual shopping list.
Read full storyNew Gameshow "Terror Factor" to be Aired On Al Jazeera
Sick of the lack of correctly trained terrorists Al-Quaeda has today announced plans to start a new gameshow where points will be awarded to teams of terrorists who manage to pull off an atrocity accurately. The show, which will be aired on popular n...
Read full storyBig Brother - Jade Goody to Re-enter House to get Charley Out
Producers Entemol are today in the grip of another battle with Ofcom after sending unpopular gobby housemate Charley back into the Big Brother house after she was evicted with over 75% of the public vote.
Read full storyFrankensteinPower Monopolise Energy Market
The multinational energy supplier FrankensteinPower now owns 98% of the British energy market, and plans to 'take over the world' by 2008, according to a report leaked today.
Read full storyParis, Lindsay, Britney Move Over - The Beckhams Have Arrived!
Los Angeles, Calif. Since their arrival, David and Posh Victoria Beckham have captured the media's attention in a big way. I'd be willing to speculate that the, usual paparazzi magnets can't find a flash bulb to save their lives in the p...
Read full storyBeckham to Run for U.S. President, 'Bend It for Beckham' Bill To Be Rushed Through Congress
David Beckham has been brought to the U.S., not to play soccer, but to run for president on the Republican ticket.
Read full storyEvel Knievel Sues Harley Davidson for $1 Billion
Motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel filed suit last week against Harley Davidson for personal injury. According to papers filed in a Las Vegas court, Knievel claims the motorcycle manufacturer is responsible all the injuries he suffered...
Read full storyMalls Bar Seniors Unless Accompanied By a Teen
The Mall of America in Minneapolis Minnesota has joined other malls across the country in barring Seniors unless they are accompanied by a teenager.
Read full storyTeacher fired for extortion
A primary school teacher from Liverpool was fired for extorting pocket money from children.
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