DAYTONA BEACH, Florida - The National Association of Stock Car Auto Racing has suspended Kyle Larson. The driver was engaged in a virtual racing game called “Left, Left, Left” when he blurted out the dreaded “N” word. Larson told racing officia...
WASHINGTON, D.C. – George Conway, who is one of the directors of the national Dump Trump 2020 movement, was quoted in The Washington Post-Express as saying that the president recently paid out some hush money. Conway, who is married to the presid...
NEW YORK CITY – The McDonalds Corporation has stated that they, like all fast food restaurants, are losing a tremendous amount of business. The New York World Register newspaper is reporting that people are not going out to eat because of the COVI...
INTERNATIONAL FALLS, Minnesota – A representative with the 3M company has just informed the public that one of their subsidiary companies, known as 4M, will soon begin production on a new medical mask. The mask, which will be marketed as The Unive...
CHICAGO – The McDonald’s Corporation has just announced that they will be partnering with the United States government in a Coronavirus program. The company widely known as Mickey D’s will be including Coronavirus Testing Kits in each one of their...
NEW YORK CITY – President #45 was in the “Big Apple” for an appearance on the Sean Hannity Show. Potus had lunch with the Fox News host at a local McDonalds. Sean had a Filet-O-Fish Sandwich, and the man that Elizabeth “Sacajawea” Warren calls “C...
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump is reportedly as angry as a giraffe with a sore throat. The United States Supreme Court has just issued him an extremely drastic warning. According to The iNews Agency, Trump was told that the Supreme Court judge...
Washington, D.C. – Donald Trump has informed Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine that he has signed an agreement to purchase 13 McDonald’s Restaurants. The president stated that he already owns 270,301 shares in the hamburger chain. “Look, it is no s...
I’m fit to be tied because Democrats like Schumer, Pelosi, Nadler, and Brickenheimer are trying to get your wonderful, handsome, non-colluding leader out of the White House. Well, let me tell the four titty babies that the White House front door has...
Deliveroo is the fast-food delivery service that you either love or hate. You love Deliveroo if you're a lazy bastard who can't be arsed to get out of bed in the morning to cook breakfast, or pour milk on your corn flakes. You love Deliveroo if y...
CHICAGO, IL - Steve Easterbrook, CEO of McDonalds, announced in a press conference that McDonalds restaurants will stop serving food immediately and serenade customers with songs released by the Disney Corporation. "So, the Republicans, who are ou...
In Raleigh, NC, Merab Morgan pulled off something astonishing by losing 37 pounds on a diet based solely on McDonald's food. She said, "I thought it's two birds with one stone - to lose weight and prove a point for the little fat people." She...
ANYTOWN, USA -- At McDonaldo's, if you buy anything other than a 1/4 Pounder, you can go pound sand, as far as the freshness of your order is concerned. "We don't do 'fresh,' when it comes to our hamboogers, cheeseboogers, or Big Macks," CEO Ronaldo...
Vatican City - - Don't give me that old time religion. Fast food leader McDonald's is incorporating nutrition with salvation, locating its next new restaurant in the spiritual heart of the Catholic Church. The St. Peter's Square site was home la...
The 16th president of the U.S. may be known as "Honest Abe," but he's been hiding a secret room behind his face on Mount Rushmore. The room is not accessible to the public, but through the use of long-distance, super duper X-ray technology, an int...
Shares of McDonald's stock fell 18% after traders learned that the recently introduced all-day breakfast menu was causing serious labor problems for the world's largest restaurant chain. Trading was hectic on the big board, driven primarily by i...
A recent "virulent" rant by Cenk Uygur has gone "viral" on Youtube... Oh, crap. Mere semantics again, isn't it? Anyways, have a look at this transcript. Responses on a snail-card please. Well, yeah, why not? After all highly eloquent and intellectually satisfying responses from Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin have already appeared... So don't be last in the race to the bottom. Still, wh...
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