SAO PAULO, Brazil – (Sports Satire) – Pele has just been informed by Cinderella St. Lamb, with the Balls News Agency that the goalkeeper for Pele’s Sao Paulo Red Grasshoppers, Brazilian soccer team, Allegro Cabeza De Vaca, has just been named the bes…
Tottenham - Tottenham Hotspur have been declared Champion of the European Super League after Chelsea, Manchester United, Manchester City, Arsenal and Liverpool, as well as the European clubs, dropped out of the new league before a game was played.
Their stay in the Premier League may be all but over, and a return to the slog of the Championship looking ever more likely, but Sheffield United are already planning for the future, and this afternoon unveiled the successor to Chris Wilder, sacked a…
Sheffield United, the team rooted to the bottom of the Premier League, and who sacked their inspirational manager, Chris Wilder, a fortnight ago, have begun their search for his replacement, who, they say, should have all the qualities of the previou…
Liverpool blundering goalkeeper Alisson is again in the news this morning, not for his error-strewn performances between the sticks, but, according to his girlfriend, for several Alzheimers-like howlers at home. The hapless Brazilian has been at t…
Sheffield United coach Chris Wilder had a solemn message for the club's fans this evening, when he told them that, although his team weren't giving up, and would fight until the final whistle in every game, he now believes the Blades cannot possibly…
It may have been the site of some of the greatest moments in English club football history since 1892, with an astonishing nineteen league titles, but Liverpool's once-impregnable fortress of Anfield no longer strikes fear into the hearts of the oppo…
As the winners of last year's Premier League title, Liverpool were strongly backed to repeat that feat this year, and, after beating Crystal Palace 7-0 on 19 December, not many people would have bet against them. But one man did. Alisson is his…
Cristiano Ronaldo, for years, the pin-up boy of European football, is in the news again this week, after he announced on social media that, from next week, he will start to wear a black leather thong underneath his football shorts. The Juventus s…
There was drama brewing on Merseyside this evening after it became known that the Liverpool board of directors had arranged an emergency meeting at Anfield on Tuesday afternoon with the team's German coach, Jürgen Klopp. Last season's champions ar…
The Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has spoken out about the considerable, and growing, number of fake news stories written about him, and remarked that he wished he had a ten-pound note for every one of them, for then, he woul…
When Liverpool put seven goals past Crystal Palace just seven short weeks ago on 19 December, the talk amongst football punditry was of "how far ahead of other football teams Jurgen Klopp's team are", how they were "uncatchable", and how "exquisite"…
There was much mirth and laughter during a TV football programme this afternoon, when the commentator on the Aston Villa versus Arsenal Premier League fixture kept referring to the home side's defender Tyrone Mings as 'Tyrone Minge', which was clearl…
In football news that some readers may find difficult to believe, an enthusiastic follower of the game has said that, despite keeping himself more-or-less up-to-date with what's going on, he was completely unaware that Chelsea coach Frank Lampard had…
GUATEMALA CITY - (Sports Satire) – Paloma Bocalinda, 26, with El Platano News Agency, has been covering the Central American Liga de Soccer games since the season started. She reported that the Guatemala City Banananistas soundly defeated the Pla…
After last Wednesday's humiliating home defeat at the hands of the Premier League's basement club, Sheffield United, Manchester United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has made a heartfelt statement to the club's fans, officially apologising for his team's…
It may have been an embarrassing week for Newcatle United manager Steve Bruce, who has faced the indignity of having an extra Coaching Assistant thrust upon him, but things got far worse today, when the Geordie's wife insisted upon enlisting the help…
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