Liverpool Goalkeeper Alisson Makes Further Blunders

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 11 March 2021

image for Liverpool Goalkeeper Alisson Makes Further Blunders
Alisson has made several schoolboy errors of late

Liverpool blundering goalkeeper Alisson is again in the news this morning, not for his error-strewn performances between the sticks, but, according to his girlfriend, for several Alzheimers-like howlers at home.

The hapless Brazilian has been at the centre of criticism during the Premier League champions' recent slump in form, after gifting Manchester City and Leicester City victories against the Reds, with catastrophic schoolboy mistakes.

Now, however, it's come to light through some intensive undercover detective journalism - and a certain amount of imagination - that the goalie has been 'slipping up' at home as well.

Alisson's girlfriend, Alison, claims that Alisson leaves the toilet seat up, rarely flushes - even after a poo - and NEVER washes his hands afterwards.

The big, daft lummox often forgets to recharge his phone's battery at night, and to put the milk bottles out for the milkman. Alison said:

"He's always leaving both the living-room light and the TV on, and just goes upstairs to bed. The other day, he came home, and left his key in the front door after he'd unlocked it!"

The worst case of this absent-mindedness, however, came when he reported for training last Thursday, and it was noticed by several of Liverpool's squad that he was wearing his underpants inside-out, revealing an unsightly skid mark.

Liverpool's Scottish left back Andy Robertson said:

"Och, aye, the noo! Ye shoulda seen that skiddy. It was fucken groosome!"

Manager Jürgen Klopp has spoken to Alisson in private about the situation, but this has been severely undermined by the German's own recent list of catastrophic gaffes, including, most notably, a horrendous run of six successive home defeats.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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