Soccer Legend and Owner of The Sao Paulo Red Grasshoppers, Pele, Receives Fantastic News

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 16 May 2021

image for Soccer Legend and Owner of The Sao Paulo Red Grasshoppers, Pele, Receives Fantastic News
The legendary soccer player, Pele is 80, but he says he feels like he's 37.

SAO PAULO, Brazil – (Sports Satire) – Pele has just been informed by Cinderella St. Lamb, with the Balls News Agency that the goalkeeper for Pele’s Sao Paulo Red Grasshoppers, Brazilian soccer team, Allegro Cabeza De Vaca, has just been named the best Goalie in South America.

Pele, who owns the Red Grasshoppers informed Miss St. Lamb, that Allegrito, as he is known by his teammates, fans, and hot dog vendors, beat out a total of 97 other professional goalies from South America including Pele’s own second cousin once removed, Antonio “El Tacquito” Primavera, Jr.

Meanwhile Javier Hernandez, better known as Chicharito, who plays for the L.A. Galaxy and is a member of the Red Grasshoppers board of directors called De La Vaca personally and expressed his congratulations.

He even offered to fly him to Los Angeles and have him be his personal guest at a Los Angeles Galaxy soccer match.

"El Cheech," as Alex Rodriguez calls him, told him that he will even introduce him to Latina babes, Eva Longoria, Salma Hayek, and Sofia Vergara.

Chicharito, who in the past has dated high-profile celebrities such as Shakira, J.Lo, Cheryl Cole, Beyonce, and Jessica Simpson informed Allegrito that he will be presenting him with the 3-foot tall diamond encrusted trophy known as El Hermoso Diamante Incrustiado.

The trophy is valued at $7,000, and is paid for from the team's discretionary miscellaneous funds account.

SIDENOTE: The Sao Paulo Red Grasshoppers are currently undefeated at 8-0, and in first place in La Liga De Soccer De Sur America.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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