Sheffield United Looking For Chris Wilder-Like Replacement For Chris Wilder

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 23 March 2021

image for Sheffield United Looking For Chris Wilder-Like Replacement For Chris Wilder
Sheffield United want someone like Wilder, but not Wilder

Sheffield United, the team rooted to the bottom of the Premier League, and who sacked their inspirational manager, Chris Wilder, a fortnight ago, have begun their search for his replacement, who, they say, should have all the qualities of the previous incumbent of the job - the aforementioned, one and only, Chris Wilder.

The Blades have won only four games all season, after a great first term in the PL which saw them finish in seventh spot in 2019/20.

Wilder, himself from Sheffield and a Blade through-and-through, brought United up from League One, and made short work of the Championship, before crash-landing them in the Prem.

His northern drawl, which made him a bit reminiscent of Johnny Vegas, his trademark grit and dogged determination to drag his team kicking and screaming up and down the country, registering unlikely result after unlikely result, made him a firm favourite with his players, Blades fans, journalists and pundits, who loved the fact that some retarded-sounding northern oik in a padded bubble jacket could achieve so much with only bluff and bluster up his sleeve.

And the high regard United had for Wilder has now become apparent. Their search for a new leader officially started yesterday, with General Manager John Bonkers asserting:

"We all know that Chris Wilder achieved a miracle at this club, and we're now looking to find a manager just like him, in every respect."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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