When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how many kids I have, I like to reply that I have three beautiful daughters and one really ugly one. I then elaborate that she truly is minging, I mean fucking horrendous-looking, like I wouldn't wish…
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how my wife and I met, I like to go into this elaborate lie where I say she was a bridesmaid at my original wedding, and my girlfriend's best friend at the time, and that we hooked up on the actual wedd…
THE MONSTERS/FRANKENSTEIN Date: March 15th, 2021. Location: Home, watching TV. Weather Conditions: Sunny. Mental State: Slightly high. Gissell: Did you have that show 'The Frankensteins' in England? Me: Come again? Gissell: The Fran…
DAVID BOWIE Date: March 2nd, 2021. Location: Car, listening to the radio. Weather Conditions: Sunny. Mental State: Normal. *Gigi singing along to Heroes by David Bowie which is playing on the radio. Me: You know David Bowie isn't…
The news that nine actors of color earned Academy Award nominations on Monday, setting an Oscar record for diversity in those categories, has one single mother-of-four jumping with joy. Hardworking Sylvia Jackson, 35, of Cypress Hills, Illinois, s…
President Joe Biden's announcement that Americans can expect life to return to normal later this summer, has left one Fort Lauderdale man terrified. Duncan Whitehead, 54 (though he looks 35), handsome, articulate, great dancer, lover, and all-ar…
"Harry 'the Bastard' Windsor has avenged the Paris Betrayal He is the Ginger Wolf! The King in the North of LA! The King in the North LA!" Was the chant from California that announced that Prince Harry has laid down the gauntlet to the British Royal…
Reports from Burnley are indicating that a pack of wolves did not raise a baby they found abandoned in the woods, but, against all logic, ate it instead. Authorities told reporters that they found a knitted pink bobble hat, traces of blood, and ch…
The chief medical advisor to the President, Anthony Fauci has acknowledged the possibility that anyone could contract COVID-19 just by surfing the web, reading an email from an infected person, or even talking on the phone with them; widening the pos…
A Fort Lauderdale man postponed a highly anticipated wank after realizing that he ran the risk of getting caught in the act by either his wife, his daughter or the guy who 'does the garden'. The man, whose identity cannot be revealed, had planned…
A Facebook Group created calling for a boycott of Facebook after it took the extraordinary step of banning users in Australia from accessing news in a row over paying for content, has been deleted, by Facebook. 'Delete Facebook', 'Boycott Zuckerbe…
People who read misleading news articles have an increased risk of dementia, according to research that adds to concerns about the impact of the news media on the nation's mental health. Roughly one in 10 cases of Alzheimer’s in urban areas could…
A fan of the late comedian Freddie Starr has claimed that her pet hamster, Vince, ate her rare Freddie Starr action figure after escaping from his cage at her home in Birchwood, Cheshire. Distraught Lisa Salton told friends that Vince had gnawed h…
A savvy mum has revealed how she manages to serve her severely malnourished family-of-seven gourmet-style meals for just £25 per week. Roberta Simons, 39, from Birmingham, manages to feed her starving family on a budget using simple store cupboard…
Robert Alton, 56, a McDonald's employee from Fort Lauderdale, announced yesterday that he had sold his 'White Privilege Card' on the internet auction site, eBay, for the princely sum of $7. "I decided to sell it even though it is 56 years old and…
A Homeless Gulf War Veteran's life was forever changed when a woman, who many believe was House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, though she is denying the allegations, dumped a teeming bucket of runny feces over his head outside a DC restaurant on Friday night…
A male intern administrative assistant working in the Capitol Building in Washington DC has walked in on his boss, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, masturbating in her office, according to unverified rumors circulating online. Marvin Shawshank says hi…
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