Hamster Ate My Freddie Starr

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Tuesday, 16 February 2021

image for Hamster Ate My Freddie Starr
Vince chewing on what could be Windsor Davies' arm

A fan of the late comedian Freddie Starr has claimed that her pet hamster, Vince, ate her rare Freddie Starr action figure after escaping from his cage at her home in Birchwood, Cheshire.

Distraught Lisa Salton told friends that Vince had gnawed his way out of his cage and proceeded to not only eat her prized (and rare) Freddie Starr action figure, but had also taken nibbles out of other equally rare action figures, made in the likeness of other British celebrities.

"He took a chunk out my Tommy Cannon, chewed through Les Dawson's leg, and regurgitated my prized Arthur Lowe," complained Lisa. "Thank God Vince didn't get anywhere near my Mollie Sugden, Russ Abbott, or Robin Nedwell."

An unpublished version of a story bearing the same headline like this one, which involved Starr's corpse being devoured by rabid hamsters which had gnawed their way into his coffin, was shelved as it was felt it was in poor taste. One would also assume that the taste of Starr's rotting corpse would also have been somewhat 'poor'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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