Wolves Eat Baby That It Was Hoped They Would Raise

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Thursday, 4 March 2021

image for Wolves Eat Baby That It Was Hoped They Would Raise
Dinner. Or glue.

Reports from Burnley are indicating that a pack of wolves did not raise a baby they found abandoned in the woods, but, against all logic, ate it instead.

Authorities told reporters that they found a knitted pink bobble hat, traces of blood, and chewed-up bones in an area of the woods known to house a substantial wolf population.

"This is shocking. You'd think that at least one of the wolves would have raised the baby as its own. It's what wolves usually do," said wolf expert, Dave Wolf.

Parents of infants are now being advised not to abandon their offspring in woods populated by wolves, despite the FACT that Romulus and Remus, twins who were raised from infancy by a she-wolf, who went on to found Rome*, did 'pretty good all things considered.'

Instead, it is advised that more conventional methods be adopted for getting rid of unwanted newborns, such as mailing them to Angelina Jolie or selling them on the black market to be used as glue**.

*Google it.
**Google it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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