Psychic relays God's Plan for saving humanity: All out war between Wokers, Cancelers, PCs and Trump supporters

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Friday, 4 June 2021

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God apparently is not Woke nor is he a Trump supporter

World famous psychic Rudy "Two Phones" Jackster announced his latest revelation yesterday afternoon to a riveted crowd of followers just outside his home in Jackson, Mississippi.

He claims this transmission was straight from God, something he's done only once before when he was told the Detroit Lions would win the Super Bowl in 2019. Similar to that message, this one came to him as he sat in church last Sunday morning.

Jackster described being "locked in" to a golden beam of light "just about halfway through the service" led by Minister Jeremiah Jones. At that point the psychic claims he sat face to face with God himself and after "a bit of small-talk and niceties" The Lord proceeded to describe to Jackster the exact scenario that would save humanity.

"God was very specific in his instruction that we are not to discourage the wide range of angry groups of people from going at each other. He told me these people are all hopelessly lost and require a reset - which I took to mean they need to start over. The Lord did tell me he still loves them but that he just cannot help them at this point."

"It's akin to the circular firing-squad." Jackster explained. He was unclear about time frames but he believes the process is well underway.

As for the rest of us, Jackster was upbeat; "I know that once we get through this ugly time we'll have smooth sailin'. But for now tread carefully and keep your eyes open!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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