PALM BEACH, Florida – (Satire News) – A Mar-a-Lago insider has informed the news media that DJT’s personal physician Dr. Yang Fu Fi, has told the 74-year-old private citizen that he needs to seriously cut back on his addiction to Big Mac Burgers.
Dr. Fu Fi, who has yet to get paid the $4.9 million that Trump owes him, stated that he recently gave Melania’s husband a physical.
He revealed that the results literally scared the hell out of him.
The good doctor said that DJT’s results were astonishingly off-the-chart. He stated his glucose sugar level was 702, and his blood pressure level was 201 over 127, with a heart rate of 193.
He noted that since leaving the White House, Donaldo Johnny, has gained 47 pounds and lost $2.7 million dollars in golf course fees, hotel reservations, and Trump University tuitions.
But the doctor’s main concern is with the fact that Trump is now devouring 7 Big Mac’s a day, each and every day!
So doing the math, that means that Ivanka’s daddy is consuming about 26,412 calories per day.
Dr. Fu Fi noted that it is equivalent to the total daily caloric intake of a dozen Zimbonian tribal members in Mozambique.
When asked for a comment the one-term ex-president shrugged his shoulders and said that eating 7 Big Macs a day helps to occupy his time, since he has been physically, emotionally, and illegally banned from tweeting.
In Non-Related News. Miley Cyrus told entertainment guru Andy Cohen, that she recently drank three Diet Pepsi’s, with a one pound bag of M&M’s, and two helpings of Indian Ocean oysters and that night she had a total of nine multiple orgasms.