Snowden, Assange agree to meet in boxing match

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Wednesday, 2 June 2021

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Snowden v. Assange: politically compatible but personally at odds!

International bad boys Edward Snowden ex-CIA analyst and Julian Assange founder of Wikileaks have agreed to meet in the boxing ring in what is bound to be a very evenly matched contest, featuring two very wily and clever phenoms of the modern world.

The idea was hatched by Russian promoter Yuri Andrekov, who has gotten to know both men over recent times. Androkov is also a supporter of both causes and sits on the board at Wikileaks.

The promoter came up with the idea during a strategy session with his fellow Wikileaks board members, in which fundraising was the main topic.

Androkov told us thinks it’s going to be “one hell of a fight” and says he’s and the two contestants are really looking forward to it; “these guys might have very similar values and beliefs, but that doesn’t mean anything once they get in the ring. There has been very much friction between them recently and believe me they both want to get in there and hurt the other guy!”

Recent rumors have been circulating that support what Adrokov tells us. There has been some nasty name calling and bitterness stemming from each man believing the other is moving in on his romantic interest. Rumor has it that Assange has made overtures toward Lindsay Mills,
Snowden’s wife of four years. Meanwhile the rumor mill has also produced stories of Snowden asking Assange fiancé, Stella Moris-Smith Robertson to visit him “for a talk”.

True or not, the rumors have led to serious bitterness for both men who are intent on hurting one another. For her part, Snowden’s spouse Lindsay Mills seems to think Androkov is to blame for all the animosity, but she refused to speak with us directly – as did Assange’s fiancé.

A White House source reported that when President Biden learned of the match yesterday he was overjoyed, saying "I hope they bash each other's brains out man!"

The well-known bad boys are fairly evenly matched with Assange having a slight height and weight advantage at 6'2", 180 lbs. to Snowden's 6'0" 172 lbs. On the other hand, Snowden has the advantage of relative youth, being almost 12 years younger than his opponent.

The match is scheduled for June 22nd in an undisclosed location somewhere outside Moscow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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