INDIANAPOLIS – (Sports Satire) – After an entire year of planning, the NCAA March Madness Coalition, is finally getting the show on the road, as they say in the circus world.
The March Madness Coalition led by executive director Felix K. Burntwhistle, told the sports media that the tournament will be played in a bubble arena, that has been constructed inside the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, at a cost of $24 million.
The bubble arena, which is constructed of 1 part Dawn Dishwashing Soap and 7 parts hardened elastic, was built by unemployed auto workers from Ford, Chrysler, and Kia.
The arena floor was imported from Sweden, and the hoop netting was sewn in New Zealand.
Due to on-going fears of the Coronapalooza Virus, only 45 fans will be allowed inside the pink-colored bubble. NCAA officials say that there will be a total of 27,726 cardboard cut-out basketball fans, including 12 cut-outs of neutral collegiate cheerleaders scattered throughout the sport's venue.
The cheerleaders will have pre-recorded yells and dance routines coming from a speaker module that will be placed in the girl’s cutout pom-poms.
The tournament’s first game will be played between the Lake Michigan Dribblin’ Dribblers and the Old Swamp College Parrots.
The Las Vegas oddsmakers, have Lake Michigan favored by 24 points, due to 7 of the Old Swamp players coming down with a bad case of Bayou Gator Swamp Flu.
The second game will be between the Hiawatha University Scalpers and the Left Coast College Red Rhinos. Most sports reporters say Left Coast College should win handily due to the fact that the Sippayenko triplets from Moscow, Russia, all stand 7-foot-6-inches tall, and can shoot accurately from 50-feet away.
The Quinnipinni Sports Poll has predicted that the final four teams, will end up being Left Coast College, Mojave Desert Tech, Upper Utah, and last year’s champion West Rhode Island.
The NCAA has stated that hot dogs will be prohibited in the arena, due to the widespread incidence of C-19, that occurred at this year’s Super Bowl.
Quesadillas, and fried woodchuck will be added to the menu, along with Eggplant Margaritas.
Reports are that some of the honored attendees will be President and Mrs. Joe Biden, Super Bowl champ Tom Brady, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, and 'Dancing With The Stars' Judge Bruno Tonioli.