MOSCOW – (Satire News) - Russia’s official news agency The Kremlin Voice, has just announced that President Vladimir Putin has divulged that he has received a certified letter signed by Trump, Giuliani, and Gaetz begging him to grant them asylum.
Putin laughed as he noted that he warned all three characters, whom he secretly refers to as The 3 Stooges, that sooner or later all of the bad, evil, hateful shit that they toss out will come back around to hit them smack dab in their lying faces.
The Russian leader then used a mixed metaphor as he said that the chickens have come home to roost and to have their eggs counted.
Vlady as "Moscow" Mitch McConnel calls him, then added in a heavy Russian accent that he has a feeling that once Matt Gaetz is locked up in prison, the big, mean-as-hell, fat 300-pound inmates will turn the lying punk into Matilda Gaetz.
In Other News. iRumors is reporting that Gwen Stefani has told her boyfriend Blake Shelton to marry her real, real soon, or else she'll leave him quicker than it takes a woodpecker to peck twice.