WASHIGTON D.C. – (Satire News) – The CIA has just confirmed that they have intercepted a Kremlin memorandum, which clearly shows that Russia is planning to launch an invasion of Cuba.
CIA agent Dora the Explorer (the agent's name has been changed) informed President Biden that the attack will be a major 5-star invasion, as invasions go.
Russia has launched an enormous naval armada which includes two aircraft carriers, 4 battleships, 5 destroyers, and over 40 Sukhoi SU-27 fighter jets.
U.S. Rear-Admiral Endicott Cinnabar was asked what the United States plans on doing about this upcoming invasion.
He replied absolutely nothing, or for our Spanish speakers in Cuba and in Florida, “Nada” as in “Not a damn thing.”
He then pointed out that when Cuba went up 400% on their world famous Montecristo Fumunista Cigars, the USA said that they were now on their own.
Meanwhile, the United States ambassador to Russia said he received a text that simply said, "Play ball!"
Vice-President Kamala Harris was asked for a comment, and said that, as of now, we have formed a committee to look into the possibility of the U.S. invading Lithuania, which would put the USA within a 594-mile striking distance of Moscow.
V.P. Harris said she will provide more info when there is more info to provide.