Boris Johnson Finally Admits He's A Muppet

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Wednesday, 27 January 2021

image for Boris Johnson Finally Admits He's A Muppet
Kermit admits to outing Johnson as a Muppet after a backstage Brexit brawl.

London, England - After years of insinuation and speculation, UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, finally admitted that he was, indeed, a bloody Muppet.

"Surprise, surprise!" said pretty much everybody.

The news came only a day after Kermit The Frog released his latest hit banjo song, 'Yes, Boris Johnson is a Bloody Muppet'.

"I always knew he was one of them," surmised Irene Whizzletooter, of Coxinghamshire. "It doesn't surprise me in the least. I mean, just look at his untidy hair and his untucked shirt. Was there any doubt that he was a Muppet? And I'll just bet pounds to pudding that his father is non other than Animal."

"I'd have to see him play a drum kit," added Alan Picklesmoocher, also of Coxinghamshire, after hearing his neighbour's paternal hypothesis. "To me, he's always looked a lot more like Rowlf the Dog, don't you reckon?"

"That's a complete load of poppycock," told Edith Claptrapper, "Anyone with eyes can see that he's a dead ringer for the Swedish Chef. And on top of that, apparently Boris is a complete disaster in the kitchen—food everywhere. So there you have it."

So while wild speculation commences as to which male Muppet might be Johnson's father, we couldn't find one person who questioned who his mum might be. "Well, it's right there in the last line of Kermit's new song," pointed out Ms. Claptrapper. "Every Muppet with balls, knows a pig who'll get sleazy, for a plate of strawberries and chocolate."

Rumours are now swirling about a possible Johnson appearance in the next Muppet caper movie, which is set to arrive in theaters next summer, titled: The Muppets Fuck Up Europe.

"I'll bet pounds to pudding he's in that one," said Ms. Whizzletooter.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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