With God and the world watching out for the coronavirus, the British cabinet has been hit by a glut of bugs and disorders it could well do without.
Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has gone down with German Measles. "I wasn't expecting this," he cried, "especially so near to the EU exit. But it just goes to show what a fat lot of good masks do! Can't trust these Europeans! Good job we're leaving, and as of January 1, it'll be gone!" He now has more time for the Open University Basic Nursing Course he enrolled for after claiming at a press conference that Anna Sthetic was a play by Chekhov.
Jacob Rees-Mogg has whooping cough, Chancellor Rishi Sunak is confined to bed with mumps, and Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab is being treated for a mild bout of gonorrhea, having allegedly spent too much time stroking Downing Street's Larry the cat on his lap.
Home Secretary Priti Patel has been afflicted by a very rare disease, 'foreign accent syndrome'. She is perceived by all to speak with a foreign bent. The British Minister of Ugandan-Indian descent now drivels in weird Russian-Polish intonation reminiscent of Melania Trump. An embarrassment to her family and colleagues alike. "I sound like a Ukranian escort," said Patel. "Actually...it's something I could get used to...I'm meeting very interesting men..."
"Quite bizarre," commented the PM, himself still suffering from chronic mendacity, which causes uncontrollable smirks, stuttering and, alas, frantic arm movements when questioned as well as third degree lies.
"When Cummings left, he took the catering staff with him, could be the cause, chaps," he went on. "Since then, Carrie's been doing the tea and scones. She's not too hot on baking. In fact, she's not too hot on anything...Hah, alas, I'm not around much. We must have those scones examined. I just hope she doesn't give them to little whatshisname...William, no...Wilbert, no...Wilfred...haven't seen him for a few days. Lovely little fella..so I'm told..."
