Boris boasts Brexit deal as "great victory"

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

image for Boris boasts Brexit deal as "great victory"
Like Nelson, Boris is hoping for a column of his own - maybe the Telegraph will give him one back after he is fired in 2021

After years of negotiation, the UK finally agreed post-Brexit trade arrangements with the EU this week. Prime Minister Boris Johnson boasted that he had secured the best possible deal.

He said, "We have successfully negotiated access to the European single market, which is going to be fantastic for business."

EU expert and former MEP Geoff von Brexit was sceptical. "The UK has had access to the single market for over forty years. I don't see how you can count that as a positive."

He continued, "The deal is the best possible deal - for the EU. They didn't have to abandon any of their red lines, whereas the UK abandoned almost all of theirs. The UK will need to continue to follow EU rules or risk tariffs, and cope with the extra bureaucracy of trading with the EU from outside the customs union."

Among his colleagues, Johnson has now earned the nickname "Captain Caveman" for his tendency to always cave in during negotiations. "We would have been better off with Theresa May," moaned Tory Brexiteer Ebeneezer Sly.

Negotiations are likely to continue for years to come. "The UK still needs to renegotiate a lot of the access and cooperation that they had as an EU member, which will take some time. Also, they are now doing it as a non-member, so they have a weaker hand to bargain with," said von Brexit. "Honestly, it makes you wonder what was the point of it all."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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