UK Government Admit Using Song To Dictate Covid Policy

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Tuesday, 5 January 2021

image for UK Government Admit Using Song To Dictate Covid Policy
London, not burning earlier today.

The UK government has sensationally revealed how it is coming up with its coronavirus policy, as the country is thrust into yet another lockdown.

Boris Johnson is using the 'Hokey Cokey' as inspiration.

Believed to be the only song he knows all the words to, it would certainly explain why at one moment we're in, and the next we're out.

A chief political aide told us: 'Boris is always humming it, throughout the corridors of power. He could even be heard humming it in the background, as Chris Whitty was speaking at the last televised update.'

The aide told us that the recent school closures can be attributed to the song too, as Johnson recently announced their total closure, after sending them all back for one single day after the Christmas break.

'Johnson sprang up during a cabinet meeting,' the aide said, 'and just started yelling ''Put the school kids in, the school kids out. In, out, in, out. Shake them all about. Do the Hokey Cokey, then U-turn around, that's what I'm all about!'

'It was crazy, he was gurning and giggling like a little girl,' he continued.

We reached out for comment from the government, and are waiting on a response.

A spokesperson for the opposition told us: 'I'm not surprised. It makes a lot of sense. I suppose, if anything, I'm just glad he didn't know ''London's Burning''.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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