Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 20 November 2018

image for Police Apologise for "Upsetting" Description of Man's Genitals
Police issued a Photofit of the suspect

North Yorkshire Police have apologised for providing "too much detail" in a description of a man who performed a sex act in front of a woman in York. The force had said it was looking for a "fat, naked man" and described his sexual organs explicitly after the incident on Sunday afternoon.

Police said the appeal on their website had "caused upset to a number of people who have never seen an erect willy and could not handle it. We mean the description of course."

The force said officers in York are investigating "a disturbing incident in which an overweight, naked man performed a sex act on himself in front of a female student. The victim, although shocked at the sight, had great presence of mind in committing to memory the precise anatomical details of the perpetrator, including girth, length and distinguishing marks".

The details on its website have now been replaced with a "more appropriately-worded version".

The Spoof as always is devoted to public service and is therefore printing the original description in full:

"It was a cold day and the thing was horrible, small and shrivelled at first, but after a few minutes during which I refused to look, it became much bigger with a large purple head at the end. It was 6 1/2 inches long, 4 inches in circumference and the testicles were large, wrinkly and swinging. In fact much like my boyfriend's."

Should you know anybody who fits this description, please contact Yorkshire Crime Stoppers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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