Where are they now? Dave Lee Travis' Hairy Monster

Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 13 November 2018

image for Where are they now? Dave Lee Travis' Hairy Monster
Ugh! Put it away...

He always liked to boast about it on live radio and he did so for years. How he got away with it for so long, nobody knows but at some point the Hairy Monster metamorphosed into the Hairy Cornflake. Maybe it had become small brown and crispy until introduced to cold liquid.

According to Botham Squab (sic) in "My Days Tending the Hairy Cornflake" "The hair prefix was, of course, down to DLT’s love of hair. He had more hair per square yard of frame than any beast I’ve seen with my own eyes, in sci-fi books or on Discovery Channel documentaries. There wasn’t an inch uncovered, and so the summer was a very uncomfortable time for this man (and for all those around him)."

It seems that nobody was surprised when in 2014 the loveable DLT was given a suspended sentence for sexual assault as, according to Rachel Johnson in the Daily Fail, DLT "was infamous in the corridors and green rooms of the BBC for having all the respect for personal space and boundaries of a randy octopus on crack."

Still trying to visualise that? No, me neither.

Ms. Johnson followed up her vivid description of our hero's behaviour with "I’d have found DLT guilty of being a ‘dirty old man’, made him apologise to all the women concerned, and take back what he said about them in court...and then, perhaps after administering a swift kick in the b*lls, I would send him home."

You're a harsh woman, Rachel, and the word is BALLS, but despite everything DLT claimed to be making a comeback in January 2018. Watch out, cornflakes....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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