Written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 7 November 2018

image for Nashville Man Really F***s Up
Luke admits that he really f****d up in negotiating the terms of a threesome at the urging of his then-girlfriend Amanda.

Undeterred by his friends’ comments that coquettishly sexy Amanda Schumaker, blue-blooded daughter of the CEO of a national fast food chain, was way out of his league, Luke Hayden of Nashville, Tennessee, successfully pursued the society belle, only to later realize that, while he might have managed to “f*** up” on the scale of physical attractiveness, emotionally he’d really f****ed up – in the traditional sense.

“She was a nasty, nasty b****,” said Luke. “No disrespect intended.”

According to Luke, only a few weeks into their torrid relationship, Amanda proposed “mixing things up” sexually; in short, she demanded a threesome.

“I’m faithful by nature,” said Luke, “so the idea of two women at one time didn’t really appeal to me. But in the interest of the relationship, I went along with it.”

To Luke’s chagrin, however, on the night of the scheduled ménage à trois, he showed up at Amanda’s posh downtown penthouse to find that the threesome was to involve not two women, but two men.

“It certainly wasn’t what I’d had in mind,” said Luke. "But I’d given my word. At that point, I felt like it was too late to back out." He smiled wryly. "Yeah, I probably could’ve used a lawyer when I negotiated that particular agreement.”

And, so, true to his word, Luke didn’t back out; instead, he participated to the best of his ability in the three-way tryst.

“He was an attractive dude,” said Luke of the other male participant. “But I just wasn’t into it.”

And, while he’d heard mythical tales from his sexually adventurous buddies about the wonders of anal intercourse, he’d never expected to be on the receiving end of it.

“Not my thing,” said Luke, suppressing a shudder. “Try anything once, I guess, but not my thing at all. Still, I did my best to be a good sport."

Worst of all, however, turned out to be not the unanticipated level of male bonding, but the fact that, unbeknownst to Luke, Amanda was filming the entire encounter on her cell phone. She then wasted no time in posting the video on various social media sites and announcing to her vast social circle that she'd dumped Luke because he was gay.

“Pretty uncool, to say the least,” said Luke. “Like I said, Class A b****. I f****d up, and I f*****d up. Lesson learned, I guess.”

He shook his head, remembering. “Yeah, me and Amanda had some good times, but overall, I’d say I got the short end of the stick in that relationship.” He chuckled darkly. “Although in some ways, I suppose you could say I got the very long end of a another stick. Honestly, neither one was great."

Even so, Luke says that's he's doing his best not to let the episode with Amanda and the highly attractive and uninhibited man poison his view of relationships in general. "What’re you gonna do?" he said with a philosophical shrug. "Like I said, lesson learned. No more f***ing up for me. I'll be holding tight in my own sexual stratosphere from now on.”

"For the record, I'm not gay," he added.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
97 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more