Thursday morning, New York Democratic Governor Kathleen Hochul and Massachusetts Republican Governor, Charlie Baker convened an impromptu summit to address the cruel and likely illegal charade of exporting immigrants to New York City and Martha's Vineyard.
The governors of both eastern seaboard states convened a special session of their respective legislatures solely to enact laws requiring any resident, nonresident, state/county/city prisoner, elected official, or indigenous aliens originating in Texas and/or Florida to obtain a state-issued visa before entry into either state.
Both legislatures have crafted legislation to include entry via aircraft (commercial or private), motorized or electric vehicle, rail, rickshaw, taxicab, UBER, Lyft, jitney, waterborne conveyance (boat, ship, raft, canoe, kayak, outrigger, innertube), balloon, unicycle, bicycle, tricycle, Segway type mechanism, piggyback, by bovine, ovine, porcine, caprine, or wombat means, or on foot.
The legislation was quickly amended to include unauthorized entry via wheelchairs, skateboards, surfboards, roller or inline skates, parachutes, or parasails.
The waiting period for receiving an entry visa was unanimously endorsed to match the state legislated cutoff for obtaining an abortion in Texas and Florida respectively.
NY and Massachusetts state legislatures also mandated applicants for entry visas must show proof of attending a state-certified course on sexual harassment that also includes content reflecting the social taboos and jurisprudential consequences of rape or incest by alleged perpetrators – not their victims.
In New York, the legislature also voted to prohibit the issuance of an entry visa to anyone from Texas or Florida owning more handguns than they have bodily orifices, although the Massachusetts statehouse sent a similar proposal to the bicameral judiciary committees.
Massachusetts has also unilaterally declared an embargo on any shipments of lobster to both states and is exploring state excise taxes or tariffs on Florida-sourced orange juice and beef/bullshit originating from Texas.
New York City has declared all leather or animal-skinned, calf-length, pointy-toed shoes worn by men, colloquially known as cowboy boots to be contraband, although there may be a constitutional issue of discrimination allowing women to wear such footwear.
Both New York and Massachusetts are engaged in contentious statehouse battles on the size of a bounty established on the head of any Texan or Floridian gaining unauthorized entry.
Proposals to transport captured illegal entrants to Mariupol Ukraine or Alabama were quickly tabled due to Geneva Convention considerations.
At this hour, repeated attempts by this reporter to solicit a response from the Governor's Mansions in Austin and Tallahassee, have resulted only in an eerie silence.
Stay tuned and watch this column; these two southern harlequins are in a fierce competition to attract funding from some of the most radical and fringe elements in America. Most observers consider this a horse's ass race not seen in politics for decades.
Texas & Florida Engaged in Mortal Combat of the Daft
The Wired Street Urinal
Reporter: KR SCHWARTZ
Dateline: September 16th, 2022
