Self-Surveillance Leads Nashville Man to Suspect Himself of Terrorism

Funny story written by Liberarian Lassie

Wednesday, 1 December 2021

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Taken aback at his own unvoiced violence, Cody Owens is not ruling out another personal lockdown.

After weeks of surveilling his own thoughts, Cody Owens of Nashville, Tennessee, came to suspect himself of terrorism – or at least of having markedly terrorist bent.

“I’ve always been against unchecked surveillance,” said Owens, a self-described libertarian/anarchist. “But in this case, I have to admit it yielded results.

Owens first decided to continuously monitor his own thoughts after he noted himself fuming over a policy adopted by certain Nashville music clubs of requiring proof of having taken a COVID-19 vaccine as a condition of entry. “I found myself thinking, who the hell are they to police my personal medical decisions? Fuck them!”

While that first mental incident raised some red flags for Owens, it was when he encountered a young woman wearing a face mask while running outdoors in a park that he realized just how radicalized he had become. “I was turned off, even repulsed at her unquestioning compliance with some nameless authoritarian source,” said Owens - so much so, in fact, that he barely noted her toned derriere, shown off to good advantage by her fitted exercise attire.

It was this second mental incident, with its tinges of patriarchy and sexism, forced Owens to acknowledge the seeds of terrorism within him. "I was taken aback at my own unvoiced violence," he said. “It was ugly.”

That being said, Owens claims to feel confident that he self-intervened early enough to prevent those revolutionary seeds from blossoming into pro-freedom action. “It’ll require constant surveillance, but I think I can keep a handle on things,” he said. “If not, though, another lockdown might be in order.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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