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Funny satire stories about lockdown

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Funny story: Lockdown to be enforced on alternate days

Lockdown to be enforced on alternate days

The on-off on-off lockdown put in place by the government due to the Coronavirus is set to be scheduled for yet another change, according to reports coming out of Downing Street this morning. All but 'essential workers' were told to "baton down th…

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Funny story: Survey: 43% of People Working at Home for the Lockdown Left Out a Gallon of Milk in their Cubicle

Survey: 43% of People Working at Home for the Lockdown Left Out a Gallon of Milk in their Cubicle

A new Gallup Poll shows that 43% of employees working from home for the Covid-19 lockdown left a gallon of milk sitting out on their desk back in the office. The milk, with an average expiration date of March 28, is just starting to go bad. In ad…

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Funny story: Corner Shop Is Now Shut

Corner Shop Is Now Shut

It's not the first business to suffer from the finger of fate during the Coronavirus Lockdown, and it certainly won't be the last, but a shop at the corner of two streets in one man's neighbourhood appears to have closed down at some stage recently -…

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Funny story: People noticed tramp during UK lockdown!

People noticed tramp during UK lockdown!

Seeing is believing, and lockdown for many means seeing things that one never noticed before. Normally, crowded shopping zones are filled with trendy, swinging designer shopping bags, with the carriers hoping to be noticed by others to boost their sa…

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Funny story: Crime figures soar after Lockdown ends

Crime figures soar after Lockdown ends

After four months of economic turmoil, in which businesses went bust, bankruptcies went through the roof, and industry and the manufacturing sector were decimated, there was good news at last, today, when it was revealed that crime figures are back t…

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Funny story: Man Decides Yoga Is Not For Him

Man Decides Yoga Is Not For Him

It's been difficult, for some people, to find things to do to occupy their time during the Coronavirus lockdown, but one man who took up Yoga has, after a brief struggle, decided that the activity is not really his 'cup of tea'. Moys Kenwood, 57,...

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Funny story: Woman still hasn't started her painting

Woman still hasn't started her painting

Vera Smythe still hasn't started the painting she has been planning to do for years. The sprightly 73-year-old had always hoped to paint a masterpiece when she had the time, but even though she has been in Lockdown for four months, she still hasn't s…

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Funny story: Man regrets buying a set of dumbells

Man regrets buying a set of dumbells

Stan Bridgewater regrets the set of dumbells that he bought from Argos three days before the country went into Lockdown. 'They just sit there in the lounge, mocking my pipe-cleaner arms. I swore that, by the time Lockdown was lifted, I would be ab…

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Funny story: COVID-19 Could Mean Lock-Down for Six More Years

COVID-19 Could Mean Lock-Down for Six More Years

WASHINGTON DC - The World Health Organization (WHO) has issued an Urgent Situation Update for the Coronavirus Pandemic. The top WHO official, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, warned nations that "the worst is yet to come." Much of the concern came…

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Funny story: As Leicester is plunged back into lockdown Matt Hancock said that the City has plunged before so it can plunge again but he’s confident Leicester folk are plunge resistant.

As Leicester is plunged back into lockdown Matt Hancock said that the City has plunged before so it can plunge again but he’s confident Leicester folk are plunge resistant.

Due to the pernicious impact of previous outbreaks of Leicester’s cultural heritage, such as Showaddywaddy, Engelbert Humperdinck, and Gary Lineker, the Prime Minister has said: ‘We’ll have a ring of steel round the place in hours. We can’t let any o…

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Funny story: Mould threatening to take over office

Mould threatening to take over office

Quentin Smith, a four-month-old mould, who has been growing inside a coffee mug since lockdown began, has said that, if he continues to grow and develop, gaining hands, a brain and some way of communicating, he will be running the office before Chris…

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Funny story: You had all of lockdown to read me and you still have not read a page

You had all of lockdown to read me and you still have not read a page

Location: Your Desk Let’s be clear, it has been about four months since this whole stay at home thing started. You pulled me out of the bookshelf, placed me on the desk, and told a friend that you were finally going to read me. What happened?…

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Funny story: People will have to relearn Small talk

People will have to relearn Small talk

People throughout the world are having to relearn the art of small-talk, now that shops and offices are beginning to open. The population, used to grunting, not getting out of their pyjamas until mid-morning, and going to bed early, will have to r…

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Funny story: Tea-Boy has been practising during Lockdown

Tea-Boy has been practising during Lockdown

49-year-old tea boy, Jason Isaacs, has been practising during the lockdown. Although now a senior member of the team at Seagull and Johns Solicitors, he has never had any ambition to do more with his life. 'I could have had a great career, but I t…

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Funny story: Are you contemplating your navel again?

Are you contemplating your navel again?

During Lockdown, it has probably come to your attention that you have been spending too long contemplating your navel. Why is that? Is your navel that interesting? No, it is not, so here are some other things to think about: 1) Why are most…

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Funny story: Festival Goer spent the weekend in a tent in his garden

Festival Goer spent the weekend in a tent in his garden

Gary Johnson, a Paul Weller fan and husband of Lorraine, has spent the weekend in a tent in his back garden, so that he doesn't lose the need to spend weekends in tents in strange fields with people two decades younger than himself when festivals sta…

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Funny story: Black Lace record has been played too many times during Lockdown

Black Lace record has been played too many times during Lockdown

Agadoo, a 1980s hit for Yorkshire-based popular beat combo, Black Lace, is said to be the most heard, but least wanted song played during the lockdown. Couples all over the country, wanting to remember the good times when Auntie Janice would form…

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