Nicki Minaj Not Backing Down

Funny story written by Brett Taylor

Monday, 20 September 2021

image for Nicki Minaj Not Backing Down
I’m not going to stop talking about it until everyone is sick of hearing about it.

Nicki Minaj is no stranger to feuds and publicity, but she courted her biggest controversy yet when she explained her refusal to get vaccinated with the following anecdote: “My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine ‘cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding.”

Minaj’s anti-vaccine comments got her banned from Twiter. She complains that she’s a victim of cancel culture, and she’ll be proving it with a swarm of media appearances on television, Instagram, radio and dozens of podcasts. “They won’t let me talk,” she says, “and I’m not going to stop talking about it until everyone is sick of hearing about it.

And she’s not stopping there. She’s swearing off wigs as well, it seems her cousin just texted me to say he’s got another friend whose wife bought a wig that turned out to be infested with spiders.

Minaj explains, “I’m not a believer in conspiracy theory, but some of these things have got to make you think. Just the other day I was readin’ somethin’ online about alligators in the sewer. Alligators in the sewer! Where’s Joe Biden when all that’s happenin’! You can’t prove it’s not a conspiracy.”

Minaj refuses to minimize the importance of this issue: “Can you imagine what it would be like for black women if alligators came out of the sewers? It took us years to get where we are, just imagine if alligators ate everybody up? It’d be bad.”

With over twenty-two million social media followers, Minaj says she’ll do all she can to be heard: “I don’t need Twitter to get the message out. “Twitter can just wake they crusty ass up. Fuck Twitter. I’m going to talk about science. That’s what it’s all about, talkin’ and science. A lot of young girls listen to me to get their science, and that’s what I intend to talk about. Dr. Fauci, he old too. He can just go away. I’m gonna have callers and they’ll ask me questions live. I’m gonna give them the straight up facts about science. Anything they wanna talk about, from vaccines to boobies, we’ll talk about it.”

Minaj continued: “I ain’t goin to shut the fuck up. Strong women, they don’t shut up. Women, we show our vaginas to each other. We like, hey bitch, look at this. I’m not stopping till every person in the world has looked at heard about my vagina. Not like that, but it’s like, a metaphor. Y’all know what I mean.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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