BILLINGSGATE POST: Buried deep in fine print to rebuild the Nation’s infrastructure is a plan to replace old stationary fire hydrants with ones that revolve at 12 revolutions per minute using solar power to provide the energy.
It has always been a pet peeve of President Biden to see dogs pissing on fire hydrants. On his morning walks in his Wilmington, Delaware neighborhood, he noted the rust that made these hydrants an eyesore. Each year, municipalities collectively spend millions replacing or repainting the hydrants that appear on every block in every neighborhood of America’s cities and villages.
The blame, of course, falls directly on the dogs - and their reckless owners, who allow their bow wows to lift their legs and urinate on the hydrants.
The first to experiment with revolving hydrants to discourage this behavior was New York Mayor, Bill De Blasio. In the snooty Central Park area, where well-dressed matrons walk their high-strutting poodles, the rusting hydrants were a visual no-no.
De Blasio, seeing a ruse to gain another four years, had the City replace all of the fire hydrants with ones geared to revolve; this to confuse and reverse the dog's basic instinct to piss on them.
It worked. However, the dogs became so disoriented and dizzy trying to keep up with the hydrant while balancing on three legs that they fell down into their own piddle; not the best of results, but all in all, it cured the dogs of this nasty habit and ultimately saved De Blasio his job.
Now, instead of rebuilding aging bridges and roads, the emphasis will be on replacing these rusting fire hydrants. A win-win for everyone except the dogs.
It was reported by the Financial Times that the ACME CORPORATION will manufacture and install these hydrants, a contract worth 1.2 trillion dollars. ACME also makes the gravity powered ACME Anvil used by Looney Tunes in the Road Runner series to bombard the hapless Wile E Coyote.
Dr. Slim: “I wonder if Hunter Biden is getting a kickback from ACME on this?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Sounds like his kind of deal.”