Biden To Deputize 250,000 Alligators To Patrol Border Canal

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 20 October 2021

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Deputy Gator

BILLINGSGATE POST: President Biden announced today his plan to build a new shipping canal or moat that would connect the Gulf of Mexico with the Pacific Ocean. With that, the thirty foot wall that President Trump started would be abandoned forever, much like the Great Wall of China; its utility rendered obsolete by the invention of the ladder.

Biden said that developments in the trade arrangements between the two countries provided the impetus for Mexico and the USA to build a new shipping canal that would connect the Gulf of Mexico with the Pacific Ocean and provide a barrier between the two countries that would stop immigration and drug trafficking in its tracks.

Since its completion in 1914, ships have been using the Panama Canal to shorten the trip from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. By digging a 2000-mile canal along the border starting at Brownsville, Texas and terminating at San Diego, the trip could be shortened by 4000 miles, saving time and money.

The Panama Canal is 48 miles long. The locks are 110 feet wide. Imagine stretching this another 2000 miles, and just for good measure, staffing newly-deputized alligators from Florida to prevent illegal immigrants and drug smugglers from crossing the canal.

Militarily, instead of our Navy warships having to go through the Panama Canal, or worse, around South America via Cape Horn, our ships could whip through the Mexican/American Canal in a matter of days. Commercial shipments would likewise save time and money.

NOTE: Building this canal was first promulgated by President Trump, but was dropped for humanitarian issues centered on the potential backlash of nightly news showing alligators eating women and children. However, Press Secretary Jen Psaki said this was not an issue with President Biden.

Dr. Slim: “How will the feral hogs get across the canal?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. They will find a way. Otherwise they will be just another footnote in the dustbin of history.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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