DIME BOX, Texas – (Satire News) – People who know Greg Abbott personally say off-the-record, that he is the meanest, cruelest, most heartless, despicable person since Adolf Hitler; actually according to many political pundits, G.A. is a close second behind D.J.T.
And that is exactly why the highly respected Chicago Wind Newspaper has named him "The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time."
Many political writers say that "Greg The Dildo Head" is such an evil douche bag, that he would steal a toy Easter bunny from a child, he’d push over an old lady (or man) using a walker, and he’d tell a group of 4-year-olds that there is no Santa Claus, no tooth fairy, and no Sponge Bob Square Pants.
Governor Abbott, or “The Fuhrer” as all of the Houston Astros players refer to him, recently passed a Governor’s Executive Order that states that anyone over the age of 8, who is caught with even one marijuana cigarette will be arrested and incarcerated for no less than 9 days.
He then added that upon a second offense the individual will be fined $12,000 and he (or she) will be taken by members of the Texas Department of Public Safety and dumped off in Alabama (or Arizona).
Abbott, who looks like a cross between a bulimic weasel and an eggplant, recently told his alleged lover Tucker Carlson that in his eyes, Donald Jonathan Trump is the greatest politician in the history of politicians.
He then added that he agrees with King Donald The 1st, that the Delta Dawn Virus absolutely started in Mississippi, and a herd of 20 wild horses kicking him in his undescended nuts could not convince him otherwise.
Meanwhile Greg The Turdhead who is believed to be an atheist, has issued another Governor’s Executive Order stating that in any Texas state elections, the votes of atheists will count as three votes.