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Funny satire stories about asshole

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Funny story: Webster’s Dictionary Has Just Added Donald Trump's Photo To The Name "Asshole"

Webster’s Dictionary Has Just Added Donald Trump's Photo To The Name "Asshole"

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Hearsay Today reports that Donald Trump is fit-to-be-tied at the new graphic that Webster’s Dictionary has just added to one of it’s words. Abby Yukon spoke with the chief executive director of the world-famed dicti…

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Funny story: Greg Abbott Says He’s Now Getting Over 90,000 Hate Messages, Instagrams, and Letters a Week!

Greg Abbott Says He’s Now Getting Over 90,000 Hate Messages, Instagrams, and Letters a Week!

RACIST RIVER, Louisiana – (Satire News) – The governor of Texas was in the little town of Racist River, Louisiana, where he was speaking before a gathering of the white, racist, extremist group known as The Proud Boys. The rally took place in a Wa…

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Funny story: Texas Governor Greg Abbott Named The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time

Texas Governor Greg Abbott Named The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time

DIME BOX, Texas – (Satire News) – People who know Greg Abbott personally say off-the-record, that he is the meanest, cruelest, most heartless, despicable person since Adolf Hitler; actually according to many political pundits, G.A. is a close second…

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Funny story: Why Is It That Bald Headed Kids Always Seem To Get Cancer? Asks Wanker.

Why Is It That Bald Headed Kids Always Seem To Get Cancer? Asks Wanker.

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — After friends, family and classmates came together to support a South Florida kid fighting cancer local man, Kevin Rogerson, was overheard asking his wife why was it that a disproportionate of bald children seemed to catch ca…

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Funny story: Man Decides to Quit Drinking After Company Party

Man Decides to Quit Drinking After Company Party

After becoming cognitively confused, pissing in his pants, throwing up all over the place, and saying things to his co-workers that he couldn't remember the next day, local Iowa man, Richard Head, has finally decided to quit drinking. "It just...

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Funny story: How much of an asshole is Donald Trump? Let me count the ways.

How much of an asshole is Donald Trump? Let me count the ways.

With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, although she probably would have thought that Trump was an asshole too, as would her husband Robert, and any children they had, had they had any. How much of an asshole is Donald Trump? Let me count the ways: he is an asshole To the depth and breadth and height that fools Can reach, when they're wallowing in a dump. He is an asshole in every li...

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Funny story: 'Trump University taught valuable lessons,' says former student. 'Like Trump is an asshole.'

'Trump University taught valuable lessons,' says former student. 'Like Trump is an asshole.'

NEW YORK, Ny - The line of students claiming that the education they received from Trump University was as worthless as the bogus brochures that first enticed them is about as long as a Trump Tower turned on its side. In two sworn depositions take...

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Funny story: Human's Early Warning Asshole Detectors Rule Out Another Romney Try as Mitt Romney's Asshole Detector Finally Kicks In!

Human's Early Warning Asshole Detectors Rule Out Another Romney Try as Mitt Romney's Asshole Detector Finally Kicks In!

Mitt Romney reminded me of how genetically sensitive most of us are in detecting "An Asshole". Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around) If Darwin DIDN'T think of this...

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Funny story: "Assholism" Proposed as New Personality Disorder

"Assholism" Proposed as New Personality Disorder

The American Pyschological Association (APA) is formally considering adding "assholism" as an official personality disorder to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, as announced by a leading psychiatrist, who...

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Funny story: Smart Phones Turn their Users into Assholes, Researchers say

Smart Phones Turn their Users into Assholes, Researchers say

Dateline: BERKELEY--While many Americans are reeling from the news that the NSA is spying on their locations by tracking their mobile devices, social scientists are concerned about a more existential threat: those devices are turning people into assh...

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Funny story: Nicest guy in Hollywood is much less of an a-hole than everyone else

Nicest guy in Hollywood is much less of an a-hole than everyone else

Dirk Moncrief, star of the action film "DieWalker" series, was recently voted the nicest guy in Tinseltown, and referred to by many as "Way less of a douchebag than most other Hollywood celebrities." One key grip explained that while Moncrief...

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Funny story: Putin running close second to Ahmadinejad for Top A-hole award

Putin running close second to Ahmadinejad for Top A-hole award

MOSCOW - President Vladimir Putin, realizing he has only but a few days left to 2012, is trying desperately in the year's remaining hours to up his street cred for The Complete and Utter Asshole of the Year Award. In an asshole move reminiscent of...

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Funny story: Statues to be erected all over the planet in honour of total arseholes!

Statues to be erected all over the planet in honour of total arseholes!

After the stunning success of Sir Alex Ferguson having his statue revealed at the Theatre of Dreams in Manchester, the United Nations, FIFA and Jaggedone (who?), have decided to erect statues to some of the world's greatest arseholes in places where masses of pigeons (and other birds) can shit all over them (SAF is not an arsehole BTW!). The statues would then become symbols of human madness an...

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Funny story: Missouri's Akin: 'My opponent is not a legitimate lady!'

Missouri's Akin: 'My opponent is not a legitimate lady!'

KANSAS CITY, MO (ABSNN) - In a Kansas City news conference today, Republican challenger Todd Akin, of "Legitimate Rape" fame accused incumbent US Senator Claire McCaskill of acting "unladylike," during Wednesday's TV and radio debate. "It beg...

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Funny story: Romney injured "milking" a bull in Iowa

Romney injured "milking" a bull in Iowa

COW PATTY, IOWA (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney attmpted to show farmers he was one of them at a dairy farm in this small Iowa village Saturday morning. It didn't turn out well for the Republican nominee. He was injured while "milking" a bull that was isolat...

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Funny story: Charlie Sheen to Play Yet another Character Called "Charlie"...How Quirky

Charlie Sheen to Play Yet another Character Called "Charlie"...How Quirky

The seemingly never flushing turd that is Charlie Sheen will once again invade American TV with yet another sitcom in which he plays a character called Charlie. Sheen, who is a bit like that fly you cannot swat, the annoying Auntie who visits all...

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Funny story: Missing Dorking Man Found Up Own Arse

Missing Dorking Man Found Up Own Arse

A local man who was reported missing four days ago has been located, "safe and unsound", after an astonishing tip-off to his whereabouts from a 'remote-viewer' thousands of miles away in the USA, say Dorking police. Paul Twist, of 23 Abercorn Stre...

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