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Funny satire stories about Greg Abbott

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Funny story: Gov. Abbott of Texas Shows Exactly How Full of Sh*t He Is As He Announces His Border Wall Will Be Built Out of Recycled Tampons

Gov. Abbott of Texas Shows Exactly How Full of Sh*t He Is As He Announces His Border Wall Will Be Built Out of Recycled Tampons

WAXAHACHIE, Texas – (Satire News) – The News Blues News Agency has revealed that the two sorriest, shitiest, totally worthless US governors are Ron DeSantis of Florida, and Greg Abbott of Texas. Reporter Velveeta Maracas recently conducted her ver…

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Funny story: Is It About Voter Fatigue Or Private Male-Part Fatigue?

Is It About Voter Fatigue Or Private Male-Part Fatigue?

New commercial on television about voter fatigue, but it’s using voter fatigue as a euphemism for a guy’s sexual performance. Got it? Racy stuff, but it’s okay. At least it’s out of a woman’s uterus. Are you listening, Governor Abbott? Get your v…

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Funny story: Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s Psychiatrist Says The SOB Is As Crazy As Bat Shit!

Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s Psychiatrist Says The SOB Is As Crazy As Bat Shit!

GALVESTON – (Satire News) – The man who was D.J. Trump’s personal psychiatrist has informed the news media that his new patient, Gov. Greg Abbott is positively 100% certifiable (i.e. crazy, insane, fucked-up). Dr. Hans Von Hansheister, III, spoke…

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Funny story: Governor Greg Abbott of Texas Named The Ugliest-Looking Governor In The Entire Nation

Governor Greg Abbott of Texas Named The Ugliest-Looking Governor In The Entire Nation

PHOENIX, Arizona - (Satire News) – Surprisingly the Republican publication GOPicky Magazine has just named conservative governor Greg Abbott of Texas, as The Ugliest-Looking Governor In The United States. The evil, heartless, SOB, easily beat out…

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Funny story: President Biden Kicks Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s Ass All The Way From Amarillo to Laredo!

President Biden Kicks Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s Ass All The Way From Amarillo to Laredo!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – President Biden recently said that the governor of Texas is one of the most arrogant, sarcastic, cruel, messed up pieces-of-shit that he has ever seen; including the pathetic likes of Trump, Hannity, Gaetz, and Gutf…

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Funny story: Texas Governor Abbott Is The Wizard Of Pregnancy

Texas Governor Abbott Is The Wizard Of Pregnancy

What if a 12-year-old girl, who hasn't started her menstrual cycle, is raped by a relative or neighbor? How could she know if she were pregnant before 5 weeks, Governor Abbott? What if there isn't a doctor in the area or a Planned Parenthood? Supp…

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Funny story: Texas Governor Greg “Eggplant Face” Abbott Given a Ticket For Speeding (While in His Wheel Chair)

Texas Governor Greg “Eggplant Face” Abbott Given a Ticket For Speeding (While in His Wheel Chair)

AUSTIN – (Satire News) – The Alpha Beta News Agency is reporting that Governor Greg Abbott has been issued a speeding ticket for going 17 miles over the allowed speed while sitting in his expensive wheel chair. ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, stated…

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Funny story: Greg Abbott Says He’s Now Getting Over 90,000 Hate Messages, Instagrams, and Letters a Week!

Greg Abbott Says He’s Now Getting Over 90,000 Hate Messages, Instagrams, and Letters a Week!

RACIST RIVER, Louisiana – (Satire News) – The governor of Texas was in the little town of Racist River, Louisiana, where he was speaking before a gathering of the white, racist, extremist group known as The Proud Boys. The rally took place in a Wa…

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Funny story: Gov. Greg Abbott of Texas Has Just Used a Hell of a Lot of State Taxpayers Money To Pay For His Brand New Customized $487,000 Wheel Chair

Gov. Greg Abbott of Texas Has Just Used a Hell of a Lot of State Taxpayers Money To Pay For His Brand New Customized $487,000 Wheel Chair

AUSTIN – (Satire News) – The governor of Texas, who was recently named “The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time” by the Chicago Daily Wind newspaper, has just had the unmitigated gall to use nearly half a million dollars of state taxpayers money to…

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Funny story: The Texas State High Court Calls For Gov. Greg “The Crazy Prick” Abbott To Be Removed From Office

The Texas State High Court Calls For Gov. Greg “The Crazy Prick” Abbott To Be Removed From Office

AUSTIN – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of the heart of Texas state that Governor Greg Abbott, who has gone off-the-deep-end and needs to be removed from office before the ignorant, loose cannon shitass gets a wild hair up his ass and decides to…

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Funny story: Texas Governor Greg Abbott Named The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time

Texas Governor Greg Abbott Named The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time

DIME BOX, Texas – (Satire News) – People who know Greg Abbott personally say off-the-record, that he is the meanest, cruelest, most heartless, despicable person since Adolf Hitler; actually according to many political pundits, G.A. is a close second…

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Funny story: San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich To Run For Governor of Texas

San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich To Run For Governor of Texas

SAN ANTONIO – (Sports Satire) - One of the most successful coaches in the history of professional sports, Gregg Popovich, says that he hates the current Texas governor so much, that he hopes he gets bit in the tongue by a Texas armadillo. Coach Po…

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Funny story: Texas to make Blasphemy a Capital Offense

Texas to make Blasphemy a Capital Offense

AUSTIN (Kitteh Network News) After a weekend full of harsh criticism on the internet for advising state employees to ignore the Supreme Court ruling in favor of marriage equality, Governor Greg Abbott and Attorney General Ken Paxton wasted no time in...

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Funny story: Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas

DALLAS, TX--Gov. Greg Abbott, fearing an invasion by the federal government this week, called in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to ward off what many in the Loon Star State believe is an invasion designed to take over Texas and force all of its unins...

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