WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – An insider at the Central Intelligence Alliance has just released information that will most certainly land “Old Baby Fingers” in the hoosegow, as they used to say in the Wild West.
The insider, who would only say that he was born in Woodpecker Wood, Wisconsin, stated that he got the information from a filing cabinet that was accidentally left unlocked by a part-time employee.
The file, which is marked “Highly Classified As Hell!!!” states that DJT is directly linked to a Russian group of oligarchs who are buying up several properties in downtown Manhattan for below-market prices.
The insider went on to say that this practice is extremely illegal and anyone doing this (Trump?) could face up to 17 years in prison, be fined upwards of $42,000, and have to relinquish his driver’s license, all of his credit cards, and even, in some cases, his birth certificate.
In a Related Story. Donald Johnson Trump had stated that they will not take his birth certificate away because he buried it in a damn good hiding place two years ago.