"GREETINGS EARTHLING" - Transcripts of alien conversations released by CIA and FBI

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 10 June 2021

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Take me to your leader

BILLINGSGATE POST: Lately, there has been much conversation concerning Unidentified Flying Objects. After a full investigation by various intelligence agencies, the following report, including the transcript of an alien conversation, was just declassified and released by the CIA and FBI. It involved two aliens who landed in the Arizona desert near an isolated gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying:

“GREETINGS EARTHLING. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, “Chill out, Space Dude. The guy may not understand our language.” The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.

Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said once again, this time with an obvious edge: “GREETINGS EARTHLING, we come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!” The older alien again warned his comrade saying, “You probably don’t want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.”

“Bullshit!” replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed.

When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three telescopic eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

“What a ferocious creature!” exclaimed the young, fried alien. “He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?”

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his burnt friend’s shoulder and replied, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.”

Dr. Slim: “Youngsters should always heed the advise of their intergalactic elders.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. The old guy must have read Dr. Spock.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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