"Tough guy" aliens send rep to warn humanity of impending "ass-kicking we'll never forget"

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Saturday, 15 May 2021

image for "Tough guy" aliens send rep to warn humanity of impending "ass-kicking we'll never forget"
Artist depiction of Pti

A bizarre looking 8-foot tall, 400 lbs creature appeared at City Hall in Chicago yesterday, to meet with "the leaders of the United States". After a brief panic, things settled down and, to the relief of all on the scene, the creature behaved quite civilly.

It was learned his name is Pti from the planet Bogl, 23 light years from Earth. Allegedly Og had mistaken Chicago as the US capital.

Experts soon recognized that Pti was a somewhat intelligent creature with a message for us, but he has no vocal cords. They initially offered him paper & pencil but there was a problem there too. Og's body is constantly exuding several types of fluids, reflecting his thoughts and emotions, or so we're told. By the time he'd write his message, the paper would be destroyed and the written message illegible.

Eventually officials secured a waterproof tablet which turned out to be the perfect solution. However Pti's message caused some alarm. Apologetically, Pti told officials that Boglians have been watching us for over 200 years and have developed a healthy disdain for humanity.

Pti reports they are quite close to having the ability to travel en mass to our planet and they're promising earthlings a thorough ass-kicking when they get here.

When asked why, Pt told officials there broad consensus on his planet is that humans are repulsive, selfish creatures. He added that if you consider what humans think of rats you'll have a good idea of what these aliens think of humans.

There is also good news however. These aliens do believe we are redeemable and so plan on launching a sincere effort to change human behavior. The only catch is that their plan begins with a serious beating for every one of us.

Pti had been provided with living quarters at a luxury hotel but the inadvertent damages caused by excessive fluids were more than the hotel was willing to deal with. Plans are in the works to place a tent somewhere on the outskirts of the city.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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