MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – (Satire News) – Melania Trump told Tiffany Trump that ever since her daddy got his ass banned from Twitter, he has been one big pile of ‘chit.’
The former first lady, and soon to be the former Mrs. Donald Trump, says that with every new day, Donaldo is becoming angrier, more bitter, extremely depressed, and now, he is experiencing severe bouts of diarrhea 24/7.
Melania, said she had to take the TV remote away from him for fear that he could hurt himself, since it does have a sharp edge on the bottom lower corner.
The Slovenian-born, ex-underwear model, told Boom Boom News, that her husband actually sent an email to Twitter, since he can’t tweet anymore, begging them to please reinstate his Twitter account.
He told them that he hates not being able to spew his hateful, angry, evil, racist comments to his devoted base in trailer parks throughout the USA.
Mrs. Trump said she overheard her loser hubby, say that he would pay them $3 million, plus he would show them dozens of naked photos of Hope Hicks, if they agree to reinstate his account.
One of Trump’s Secret Service agents told CNNs Anderson Cooper that Trump keeps saying that he is going to break into the White House, steal the Missile Launching Remote Control, and fire a bunch of missiles towards California, which he claims is 102% Democrat.
A representative for Twitter has reported that they have caught the disgraced president trying to use several fake Twitter names; including Stormy Lewinsky, Monica Daniels, and Susie Suckface.