BILLINGSGATE POST: Not all conversations are equal. But if you ever wished you were a fly on the wall, here’s your chance:
This past Tuesday, President Biden was awakened from his Deep State sleep by the ringing of his ACME RED XXX TOP SECRET PHONE. This phone provides a direct connection between the White House and the Kremlin. During the Cold War, it was first used in 1961 by Premier Nikita Khrushchev of the Soviet Union to ask President John F. Kennedy if he would set him up a rendezvous with Marilyn Monroe in exchange for not nuking Washington.
Although there were other calls between the leaders of the two powers, it has been reported that the phone was last used during the Clinton Administration, when President Clinton gave access to the phone to Monica Lewinsky so that they might have privacy while engaging in phone sex chatter.
THE OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF THE CALL:
“Vladimir, is that you, Dude? What’s up?”
“Yo, Donald. Your voice sounds different. You got the virus?”
“Vlads, it’s me, Sleepy Joe.”
“WTF! The Trumpster just told me he won the election.”
“Nah. I won it fair and square.”
“Yo, Dude. Keep telling yourself that. Eventually, someone will believe you.”
“Hey, Vlads. Any chance you can introduce Hunter to some of your Russian oligarchs? I can make it worth your while. Maybe send you over a saddle so you don’t have to ride bareback.”
“How about dumping a plane load of cash on my tarmac, like you and Barry did with Iran.”
“Yo, Vlads. What should I tell the press we talked about?”
“Just tell them we talked about Peter Doocy, the young kid with FOX NEWS.”
Dr. Slim: “I thought that the call was supposed to be confidential.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. It was. It was between two cons.”