CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Chicago Daily Wind has just announced that Michael Lindell, CEO of the My Pillow Corporation, and man who would marry Donald Trump in a nano-second, is standing in deep dodo, as they say down in Arkansas.
Lindell, who gave Trump’s campaign $14.4 million along with 2,000 My Pillows is close to filing for bankruptcy.
Sales of his pillow, which, truth be told isn’t really all that, have fallen by 900% ever since he started supporting the man that the world now calls "El Loser."
The WallyWorld retail stores, dropped the pillow quicker than Tucker Carlson can tell a lie. And the Safe City retail outlets have returned the 19,000 pillows they had in their stores.
Even Republicans like Mitt Romney, Cindy McCain, and Chris Christie have all asked for refunds, and have said that Lindell needs to be committed or deported back to Pussiwokski, Poland.
Mitch McConnell, former senate leader, and former Trump ass kisser extraordinaire admitted he simply threw his pillow in the Potomac River.
Meanwhile, FBI agents are reportedly searching for the pillow, and if they find it, they will charge McConnell with littering.
