Biden Names Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler To Head FBI

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 24 January 2021

image for Biden Names Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler To Head FBI
New FBI Director

BILLINGSGATE POST: For the first time since J Edgar Hoover, the FBI will have a director who is not beholden to anyone. Today, President Biden announced that he is replacing Christopher Wray with a man who has no boundaries, a man who can’t be bought.

Who is this masked man, and why would he be chosen to replace the man chosen by Donald Trump to overhaul the FBI?

Connect the dots. Inexplicably, deep down, President Biden yearns for the days of law and order; where cross-dressing and hard-nose enforcement of the law went hand and hand. James Comey tried this formula and failed. How many times had he unlocked the J Edgar Hoover Memorabilia Room and chosen his outfit for the day? This was where Hoover’s feather boas, high-heel sneakers, dresses and capes were stored. The whole room reeked of cigar smoke and cheap foo-foo juice.

It was difficult to blame Comey for trying to emulate the iron-fisted Hoover. Even though Comey had lost control of the FBI, how was he to know that the Love Birds - Peter Strzok and Lisa Page - were a hosin’ and a blosin’ while trying to assist the Democrats in their impeachment of President Trump?

Although Comey’s replacement seemed to be a square-jawed, no nonsense guy, he achieved absolutely nothing in his tenure. It was time for a change.

Enter the man who has no known friends. Even his dog doesn’t like him. He is beholden to none.

Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler.

Impeccably outfitted in his classic white tee-shirt and Dickies Short Sleeve Mechanic's Coveralls, which Detwiler says will become the uniform-of-the-day for all agents, Dirty will take over his office on the top floor of the Hoover Building. His swagger won’t pass unnoticed. The agents cannot help but see his confident bluster.

Enhanced by his Dickies coveralls, which allow for a generous fit in the shoulders and chest, the bi-swing back and elastic waist inserts offer Dirty classic comfort and protection, giving his right hand easy access to his gun, while allowing for his balls to shift side-to-side without clacking against each other.

A new era for the greatest law-enforcement agency in the world: To be sure, 99.6% of FBI agents are as pure as the fresh driven snow. Dirty intends to make it 100%.

Dr. Slim: “Congratulations! But if you want to keep your job, suggest you drop Hunter’s investigation.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. The cream has finally risen to the top. Can’t wait to see how I look wearing a pink ruffled tulle with satin shrugs.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more