President Donald Trump was reported by multiple staffers as having what can only be described as a "post watching The Notebook level of crying." After being told he could not pardon himself, the United States president threw himself on the floor.
The White House chef commented, "You know that scene in Willy Wonka where the girl loses it over not being able to have a pet squirrel? Yeah... that was pleasant compared to this." Many are confused as to why Republicans insist that Democrats run a pedophile ring, when, in fact, Melania Trump is married to a toddler. Trump will not attend tomorrow's inauguration.