Washington, D.C. - Sources close to President Orange Turd say that he is planning to send a second angry mob to the U.S. Capitol Building to try and stop Congress's 2nd impeachment effort on him this week.
"He's pretty sure it will work this time, too," explained Tyler Schitferbrains, the acting secretary for pretty much all the government agencies without secretaries. "You see, the President is a numbers man. He knows the last mob would have worked just fine if it had been a little bigger and a little bit angrier."
But if he can't tweet, Facebook or Instagram anymore, and seems to have no idea that there's a White House Press Room, we wondered how he will get his new riot message out to his nutjob supporters.
"The President is also a very smart genius. He will get his message out in the other main place that his supporters gather online—the comments section of penis enlargement pills for sale on Amazon," explained Schitferbrains. "While the President, along with Melania, prefers a product called, XXX Rhino Dong, he is not beneath posting his riot instructions on the other, more inferior penis enlargement pill comment sections too, proving he is a very open-minded man."
After some investigation, Trump's biggest stumbling block could be that it is hard to get a word in edgewise in these penis pill comment sections.
"Yeah, that's true," agrees Mr. Schitferbrains. "It's kinda like watching the comment scroll on a live webcast of a Beyoncé concert. It goes pretty damn fast! There's a lot of very angry Trump supporters out there, whose penis pill purchase seemed to have little effect on their tiny wieners. And they all want their voices heard. It could be hard for the President to stand out. And he knows that. That's why he plans on using his super-duper secret weapon—ALL CAPS. Smart, huh?!"
But the pentagon has a solution for the impending 2nd impeachment riot. "We won't be caught with an insufficient number of cops on the Capitol Steps this time," says Four-Star General, Dick Douche. "Nope, cops won't do shit this time either, since most of them have small penises, too. What we plan to do is this—we will post a whole bunch of super hot, liberal girls at the top of the Capitol steps, all laughing hysterically at their tiny penises. That should do it," explains our Four Star Douche. "These Trumpers will be confused, bewildered and rendered powerless, because they ain't never been within 20 feet of a hot set of juggies. They'll have no idea what to do! We expect that after their 'guns' go off in their pockets, they will just turn around and head for the nearest McDonalds for lunch, and to clean themselves up a bit."
So, stay tuned America, as the fight for democracy comes to a showdown between a clan of tiny-penised morons who have crawled back out of their mom's basement, and some super hot chicks with big titties.
Seems like the perfect end to the Trump regime to me!