Better Explanations for what Happened on 6 January 2021

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Tuesday, 12 January 2021

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Not stupid? Really?

Despite the nonstop footage dedicated to the recent spectacle at the U.S. Capitol, there is much more to the story than we have been told. We should, by now, know at least two things about Donald Trump: The first, of course, is that he lacks a moral compass, but the second is that he is not stupid. If he had really orchestrated last week’s events, we would have to conclude that he is beyond stupid.

Clearly, someone else masterminded the nonsense about overturning the election, and we are working to track down two possibilities, both of which play into Trump’s incredible angst about going to prison once he is out of office. In other words, what drove Trump to do what he did is not his distress at losing the presidency, but his fear of prison. One might think that his recent behavior only increased this possibility, but that is not necessarily the case, as we will see.

We have previously reported that Trump might take asylum in Russia (“Donald Trump’s Last Big Deal”) in the near future. If this is the case, the whole election challenge charade may have been orchestrated by Vladimir Putin in an effort to further divide the United States and embarrass it on the world stage. Trump, in other words, did what he did on orders from Putin. That would be Trump’s treasonous quid pro quo for Putin’s promise of asylum, a generous allowance, and a bevy of gorgeous Russian babes in Moscow.

Another possibility is that one of the Democratic dirty tricks operatives (think of this one as a Democratic Roger Stone with a much higher IQ) came up with a diabolical plan to give the Democrats control of the Senate and divide the Republican Party. In this scenario--which unfolded with the full knowledge of President-elect Biden--Trump has been promised that he will not be prosecuted if he contested the election in the way that he did. Biden, in the name of restoring unity, will, before too long, pardon Trump for any federal crimes he may have committed and will call off the state Attorney Generals who would like to prosecute Trump for other crimes that he may have committed.

Things are likely to get even more interesting in the coming weeks, and we will keep you posted.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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