BILLINGSGATE POST: As if struck by a lightning bolt while on his porcelain throne, in a spirit of unbounded equanimity, unmatched since he pardoned Roger Stone, today President Trump announced his latest pardon list.
Limiting it to those accused or convicted of grand theft, the list included the following:
1. Sleepy Joe Biden, for stealing the election.
2. The Houston Astro’s, for stealing signs to win the World Series against the Dodgers.
3. Quarterback Tom Brady, for under-inflating footballs.
4. Posthumously, Bonny and Clyde.
5. Ayatollah Khomeini, for bilking Barrack Obama out of 1.7 billion dollars.
Dr. Slim: “The magnanimity of the man is unparalleled in modern times.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Why would anyone not want to get caught?”