CRACKERHEAD, Georgia – (Satire News) - The President spoke before a crowd of 27 at a Walmart parking lot, and told them that he promises he will never, ever leave the White House, even if someone kidnaps his son, Eric.
Trump, who is becoming more and more delusional every day, is starting to blame ex-president Obama for not doing enough to prevent hurricanes, earthquakes, and the hamburger shortage during his two terms.
But the icing on the cake, as they say in Baltimore bakeries, was when he told the crowd that Confederate Cavalry General Nathan Bedford Forrest, who was the founder of the Ku Klux Klan, was one of the nicest, happiest, most non-racist officers to wear the red, white, and gray of the proud Confederacy.
Trumpola then remarked that the 3rd Tennessee Cavalry Regiment, under General Forrest, kicked butt at the battles of Shiloh, Chickamauga, Tupelo, Pumpkin Patch, and Murfreesboro.
But what the shit-for-brains loser failed to mention was, the armies the Confederate general defeated were the armies of the United States of America.
Reports coming out of the White House say that Vice-President Pence has had enough of Trump's whining, lying, and making-up-shit, that even professional bullshitters couldn't invent.