Biden Presidency In Doubt As List Of 'Potential Injuries' Grows

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 30 November 2020

image for Biden Presidency In Doubt As List Of 'Potential Injuries' Grows
Biden will leave his top button unfastened, to avoid suffocation

There was mounting tension in Washington today, as, after his accident on Saturday, when President-elect Joseph Biden twisted his ankle in an incident involving one of his dogs, his medical team set about taking precautionary measures to try to ensure that he avoids similar, potentially life-threatening, accidents in the future.

Mr. Biden, 78, was frolicking on his lawn with Major, when his ankle was twisted, and a subsequent CT Scan showed two hairline fractures of his right foot, the one he kicked Trump's ass with.

Doctors say he will make a full recovery, but will have to wear a support boot for a while.

With lightning speed, his medical staff leapt into action, removing anything that could be seen as a threat to his health.

One, who wished to remain nameless, gave a brief run-down of items affected thus far:

Mr. Biden will write with a blunt pencil, to avoid blinding himself with a sharp one.

He will be supplied with a fixed-nib ballpoint pen, so that he does not injure his thumb operating the 'open/shut' mechanism.

The President's entire footwear collection - including bedroom slippers - will be replaced with a range of industrial workboots with steel toe-caps, so that he will not stub his toes and risk potential amputations.

Mr. Biden's underwear is to be lined with cotton wool, so that he doesn't chafe or irritate his buttocks, rectal area, or testicles.

The White House trash buckets are to be removed, just in case he kicks one of them.

Staff say they are worried that, with even the most mundane objects proving to be killers-in-waiting for Mr. Biden, who, at such an advanced age and with a such a high susceptibility to injury, might not be able to take up the office of president.

Biden's other dog, Champ, is to be castrated for reasons not given.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more