Pet psychic claims Biden's dog caused foot injury as "test of his master”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 1 December 2020

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The Institute for Distinguished Animal Telepathy is accepting applications for advanced studies in animal communications

Newly-famous pet psychic Beth Lee-Crowther has come forward to offer guidance on what just happened to cause Mr. Biden's foot injury.

According to The Daily Beast, Ms. Lee-Crowther, from the English midlands, has established telepathic contact with Mr. Biden's dogs, Champ and Major.

Via looking at their pictures only, she has visited with these hounds, and been happy to receive their enthusiasm for the incoming president.

"The very first thing I got was that they were both very excited about moving to the White House," Lee-Crowther told The Daily Beast.

"I had a real connection, I felt that excitement of theirs. They showed me that Joe Biden is very bonded to his dogs, and has a real connection to them. They kept showing me that, although he has rescued one of the dogs, the dogs feel, in many ways, they have rescued him."

Major is two years old, Champ is twelve, with Major rescued from an animal shelter in 2018.

On Sunday, however, Mr. Biden, in playing with Major, injured his foot, and now must wear a boot due to hairline fractures and a limp.

The official story, that Major was overcome with happiness at the prospect of becoming White House Hound Of The Year, did not sit altogether right with pet psychics who had been following the story closely.

From the Institute for Distinguished Animal Telepathy (its president Regina Sneap depicted above), an anonymous pet psychic specialist has stepped forward for further enquiry.

An absorbing, empathic session with Major seemed called for, and our pet psychic said she “rang him up” (so to speak) via her telepathic intuitive sensing equipment.

She found the hound Major somewhat subdued, despite his new fame and excitement, and somewhat reluctant to come forward.

She persisted.

Major at last confessed:

“I deliberately tripped him [sigh], what with all this about him being decrepit, you know, because, well, because I wanted to get him in shape, so to speak, for the trials to come!”


“The next Russia-gate, the rigged election, the divided congress, Covid versus actual science, the Israelis and war with Iran . . . Need I go on?”

“But what can you do? Pardon me, but you're only dogs!”

“The dog is man's best friend. That has been a White House tradition."


"Consultations at midnight, on the lawns, in the kennels, and--with your help--now, via telepathic messenger, direct to The New York Times! Can you speak dog?”

“I will consult with my staff. Thank you. I must retire. I am nearly overwhelmed, and my kleenex is running low.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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