Lonely old f*ck invited to Biden White House following Thanksgiving behavior modeling

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 27 November 2020

image for Lonely old f*ck invited to Biden White House following Thanksgiving behavior modeling
Also eligible for the LOF-Award-Of-The-Year (2020)

This week Mr. Biden appealed to the country to keep Thanksgiving small, very small, in order “to snuff out the virus.”

It is now understood he was also seeking “behavior models” on this matter, and this has led to discovery of a LOF ready, willing, and able.

The following report is now viral across social media.


I have survived Thanksgiving Day totally alone! The virus did not dare to attack!

My day!

First, very early, I stopped by my favorite outdoor restaurant for a brief snack, with the Propane Heaters humming and temperature at 36 degrees.

I was not shivering as much as another oldster (yes, at least six feet away at another table) who fell off his chair.

An ambulance screamed up, with exhaust somewhat toxic over my scrambled eggs, but passing along five minutes later.

But no flies! Too cold!

They hauled him away and I heard somebody shout, “We won't let the corpses pile up here!”

Next, to my supermarket, people swarming and evacuating every shelf they passed by!

An old lady came screaming around the aisle I was in, cart going the wrong way!

I was down on the cold linoleum just like that!

Trampled . . . somewhat. But! My rescue brings tears to my eyes. The crowd pounded me on the back, the chest. They gave me mask-to-mask resuscitation!

A manager, passing by, shouted: “We won't let the corpses pile up in the aisles here!”

At last at home, I went about my celebration.

I set out a magnificent table for eight, for the family members who would not be here.

I opened the curtains. Let the sun shine in!

Glasses shining, big roast bird in the center, pumpkin pie, everything!

I lifted my glass, tears rolling down my cheeks.

I spoke aloud to the gathering, and did a little jig beside my chair!

Gratitude! Love! Happiness! Everything!

Suddenly, a knock on the door?

Someone to share with me, break the isolation, a few moments of human warmth for a change?

I rushed to the door! Shame on me, oh Shame!

I was nearly overwhelmed with possibilities of friendship, humor, company!

The cops!

No! Someone out on the street had looked in!

Snitched! Gathering too large!

I am now in a holding cell at my local precinct--5 x 9, no seat on the toilet.

Nevertheless . . .

Te Salute! My Governors! My President! I salute you!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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