Man Says Football Is No Longer Important To Him

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 26 November 2020

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I was there

A man who, in his younger days, followed football as enthusiastically as it was possible to do, has said that he has now lost all interest in the game, and, actually, couldn't give a fuck about it.

Moys Kenwood, now 57, became a football fan on 23 November 1970, when his dad took him along to Boothferry Park to see Hull City draw 1-1 with Queens Park Rangers. He was hooked!

He started attending all of City's games, and was in attendance for the famous Boxing Day, 1970, game in which the Tigers came back from being 4-1 down against Sheffield Wednesday, with 9 minutes left, to draw 4-4.

There was snow all over the pitch, and an orange ball was used.

He even saw City star player Ken Wagstaff make Gordon Banks look daft twice in the same game in a 3-2 FA Cup defeat at the hands of Stoke City in 1971.

After his dad died in 1979, he continued to attend, but fell in with a rowdy group of youths and young men who took it upon themselves to travel all over the country striking fear and trepidation into the hearts of locals, and earning a troublesome reputation that persists unto this day.

It's now a long time since Kenwood has attended a football match, however. He said:

"Back in the day, we had a player who turned up for matches on his bike with his boots in a plastic bag, and others came on the bus. Nowadays, everyone has a Lamborghini. The wages in the 1970s were just above most working people's living wage. Modern-day players earn more in a week than most people earn in a lifetime. The game is a joke!"

And he had more to say:

"The players cheat; roll around; feign injury; try to dupe the ref; surround the officials; commit horrific career-ending tackles, then deny intent; and generally act like a bunch of schoolkids. SKY TV has finally ruined it: matches on Mondays, Thursdays, Sundays? Nah! On top of everything else, COVID-19 has emptied the stadiums of fans, and every game feels like a game in your local park on a Sunday morning! I've had it! It's a far cry from when me and me dad used to traipse through all weathers armed with a flask of hot tea to see City struggle in the Second Division. I was there when we were shit, but I won't be there anymore!"

Police are not investigating.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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