In an incredible turnaround in fortunes in the 2020 race to the White House, it's just been announced in the last few minutes, that against all prior expectations, and in contrast to all of the expert opinions expressed by political pundits, President Donald Trump has come out in front of his rival, Joe Biden, and will retain the presidency for another four years.
Not really. Just kidding.
Trump, the most incompetent human ever to be asked to lead the United States of America was beaten comprehensively by Mr. Biden, and is currently being monitored as he packs his possessions into boxes, as a van waits at the back of the White House.
Mr. Trump's wife, Melania, left earlier with two plastic bags.
Trump leaves office with a catalog of disasters too numerous to mention behind him, and won't be forgotten in a long while.
Earlier fake news that suggested he was running neck-and-neck with his rival resulted in gunshops across the country being besieged by people buying high-piwered rifles with telescopic sights, as the beleaguered nation faced up to another four years of catastrophic leadership.
In the end, though, sense prevailed, or, at least, what passes for sense in the mixed-up, muddled world of politics in the United States.