Biden pardons son in advance of winning the presidency

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 20 October 2020

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Average public response to news as reliable information, according to recent polling

CBS News has just released intimate details of a new plan by Mr. Biden, who is running for the office of President of the United States.

“It is very clear I am going to win,” Mr. Biden has said, from behind a double-masked lower face.

Wearing two masks is a heroic measure called “mask interests in the reinforcement of national security” (MIRS++) by major news sources.

"In which case, as you know, there are certain executive privileges."

As to Mr. Biden's winning the election, major polling institutes put Mr. Biden ahead of Mr. Trump by 5 to 9 points, with some predicting a landslide on November 3.

According to mainstream news, a new desperate stunt by the Trump Campaign to discredit Mr. Biden is being managed through a New York Post article last week.

A laptop ostensibly belonging to Hunter Biden, Mr. Biden's son, has surfaced in a repair shop with disturbing emails and other materials.

One of the emails indicates Hunter Biden set up a meeting with his father and a top executive at Burisma Holdings well back in 2015, when Mr. Biden was Vice-President.

Biden Jr. was an executive with this gas company at the time, with salary reported at 50,000 per month and up.

Related earlier this year, during an impeachment trial of Mr. Trump, came news that Mr. Biden, as Vice President, had interfered with Ukraine's interior affairs.

Biden threatened to withhold a billion dollars in an arms deal unless a Ukraine prosecutor investigating Burisma Holdings was fired.

This action was compared to Mr. Trump's withholding nearly half a billion in financial aid to Ukraine in a conversation with its President Zelensky, unless this prosecutor issue with Mr. Biden was resolved.

At the time there was some talk of Mr. Trump's pardoning himself.

Inspired by this example, Mr. Biden has responded:

“My son is in no way involved in anything sleazy, and those photographs of him with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth are certainly faked.”

“As to the Chinese girls, need I say more?”

“Furthermore, I am definitely innocent of any proposed meeting with Ukraine officials back several years ago.”

“Memory fails me.”

“But if I must I will! Pardons all round!”

“Including Hillary if things go worse in her case and this Russia thing!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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