Colonel Sanders Finally Promoted!

Funny story written by aningeniousname

Thursday, 15 February 2007

image for Colonel Sanders Finally Promoted!
The new General, May 1945 after being awarded the crossed forks medal of honour by President Truman.

There was joy unconfined today on the streets of Kentucky's largest city, as news of the state's most famous resident's promotion to General leaked out.

Early this morning, in a specially arranged news conference, Major Ed O'Hanlon, CEO and largest shareholder of the world's most famous chicken outlet, proclaimed to the world's waiting media that he was finally in a position to promote the long-serving Colonel to the rank of general.

The colonel, a long time standard bearer for the Pentagon's fast food division, was said by O'Hanlon to be "delighted" by the news.

The colonel's remarkable rise up through the ranks began in the darkest days of World War Two, after he joined a secret US Army catering unit that was charged with taking fast food behind enemy lines, in the hope of showing German soldiers the folly of their fascist ways, and luring them by means of delicious and addictive recipes onto the sometimes twisty path of democracy.

For his success during the war the colonel was decorated by President Truman, who declared the southern gentleman, "One of the main reasons the light of democracy still shines in a battered world."

After the war, the Colonel was asked by the Pentagon to carry on his work in the food warfare division, and help to defeat the Soviet menace. The Colonel did this willingly, and soon built up his chicken empire into one of the world's major causes of obesity.

Throughout his life promoting freedom and delicious chicken-flavoured meals, the Colonel has remained a shy and reclusive public figure, only ever venturing from his modest Louisville home to buy cigarettes and milk at the local store.

Although no public pronouncements have been forthcoming from the new general, the Mayor of Louisville summed up the general delight in the city when he proclaimed "It's about finger lickin,time!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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